Southern
Smarts
From John Harris
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South
are. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam
administered by the Southern States Professional Engineer Licensing
Department:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67
Chevelle, or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is 2.3 acres in size The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with
an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his
grown children put a mobile home on the man's land and still have
enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 9000 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates in a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will
be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the
Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
Thanks TGIF
