KILLER BISCUITS
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(the actual AP headline)
Linda
Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some
groceries. Later, several people noticed her sitting in her car
with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands
behind the back of her head.
One
customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, she
looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied
that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour.
The man
called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were
locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When
they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on
the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded
from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the
wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she
reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it
was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and
tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and
came to her aid.
Linda
is blonde and a democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.
