DAFFYNITIONS
~ Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it
~ Book: a utensil used to pass time while waiting for the computer
repairman
~ Budget: A method for going broke methodically
~ Bureaucracy: a method of turning energy into solid waste
~ Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular
~ Coffee: Break fluid
~ Consciousness: that annoying time between naps
~ Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch
~ Diplomacy: The art of letting other people have your own way
~ Earthquake: A topographical error
~ Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers
~ Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries
~ Flattery: Phony express
~ Hanging: A suspended sentence
~ Hypochondriac: A guy who won't let well enough alone
~ Indecision: Under the whether
~ Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer
~ Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
~ Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once
~ Praise: Letting off esteem
~ Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy
~ Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark
~ Skier: A person who jumps to contusions
~ Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after
them
~ Sweater: A garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly
~ Teenagers: People who express their desire to be different by
dressing alike
