BUILDING
SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
IN YOUR MARRIAGE
by Bob and Yvonne Turnbull
Does the "D" word scare you? No, we're not
referring to Divorce, but another "D" word - Devotions! You know
- that area that sends guilt pangs running through many couples!
One of the ingredients in spiritual intimacy is a
couple having devotions together. Years ago that exact phrase -
"having devotions together" - sent waves of guilt cascading over
us. We had tried so often to do devotions but we always seemed to
do a pratfall. Then out of frustration we thought we should just
shelve the idea of doing anything. Sadly, this went on for years
until we discussed it again and became determined to find a way
to have devotions together. We realized in order to succeed we
needed some structure, so we asked ourselves three questions and
followed that up by putting some traction to them.
WHY DO IT?
*It helps us see if our lives are
matching up to what God's Word says, for that's our standard for our
life and marriage (Psalm 119:105). As we look at the Word of God
together it isn't to just gain knowledge. It's to help us develop
a close intimate relationship with God by knowing His teachings and
OBEYING them.
*It also brings us closer to each other as we
continually change and grow and become more like what God desires for
us.
*It is wonderful what you can learn by listening
to your mate's perspective as you search scripture together. That
is a powerful bonding moment. Your mate can help you see things
you may have overlooked, or God gives insights to build you both up.
*And, remember when the Lord sees a couple coming
together to seek after Him, this delights Him.
WHEN TO DO IT?
*Decide how often, e.g., once a week, four times a
week, once a day, ????? Then decide what time of day you will get
together. After experimenting we found what was best for us was
4-5 times a week while Yvonne is preparing dinner. We made it a
set time so it would become a habit. Pick whatever time and place
works for both of you.
*When setting up a time keep four things in mind --
--Make it a priority, but
keep it flexible.
--Don't do it when you are
tired.
--Make it a time without
interruptions. Keep your phone answering machine on, but turn off
the ringer.
--Start brief and
simple. Otherwise you might find yourself becoming discouraged or
even dreading the time together.
WHAT TO DO?
Like many we get bored easily so we like a variety
of ways that we share the Word of God together. Following are
some things we have done together. We have done several or
sometimes just one thing. It's all about choices.
*We have different devotional guides such as Our
Daily Bread, My Utmost For His Highest (Oswald Chambers), as well as a
couple's devotional relating to marriage subjects.
*Read a Christian book together. Currently
we are reading, for the second time, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick
Warren. We recently read "Experiencing God" (by Henry
Blackaby). We have done a Bible study together as well.
*Go through the One Year Bible together.
(That's right - the one that took us 17 months to complete.)
*Discuss what the Lord said to you through the
Sunday sermon or what you heard on Christian radio or TV.
*Memorize the Word of God together. This is
what God desires us to fill our minds with as it will make us
prosperous and successful in our marriage. It will also help us
to be strong and courageous and not fall into discouragement with those
challenges that come into our married life (Joshua 1:8-9). One
year we memorized one Bible verse a week. Each of us had the
verse written on a 3 X 5 card and we would quiz each other until it
became implanted in our minds. Children enjoy being included in
this adventure too. If you're not married, do this with your
roommates.
*Learn to share God any time during the day besides
just your set devotional time. If you just watched a TV program
together that stimulated a spiritual question, talk about it.
Include your children if they're with you. When you go for a walk
talk about the beauty that God created. Deut 6:7 - "Talk about
them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you
lie down and when you get up."
*We have also picked one verse a week that we each
have to make sure we are putting the verse into practice. We also
tell each other how God used that verse in our life. Some verses
to consider - Eph 4:29 - 1 Thess 5:11 - James 5:16 - 1 Peter
4:8-10. To help us be doers and not just hearers of the
Word of God (James 1:22-25) we made sure after anything we read or
heard that we ask each other, "How did God speak to you with this
reading or what you heard?" And, "What can we do in response to
it?" This helps us so we don't become too busy thinking, "I hope
my mate is getting this."
Taking the time to share the Word of God together
will definitely build spiritual intimacy and unity in your
marriage. It did ours.
(Note: For helpful information on building a spiritual life
together, check out our TeamMates book on our website)
Turnbull Ministries
http://www.turnbullministries.org
