Across Pacific Magazine


Addicted To Pleasing


by Doug Fields


Doug Fields is a 1984 graduate of Vanguard University, Costa Mesa, CA. He is minister to youth at Saddleback Church in Mission Viejo, California, and the author of 17 books. Doug also trains youth workers as a member of the Youth Specialties National Resource Seminar team.


I started in youth ministry in 1979 as a junior high volunteer. Although I had no idea what I was doing, God used my energy to care for students. Within my first year, I became the main leader (by default) and was immediately introduced into the world of people-pleasing.

I changed churches in 1981 and interned with my youth ministry mentor. I actually got paid for what I loved doing! This new financial equation elevated my pursuit to please. It was more than pleasing students and parents now—I lived to please my boss.

My mentor handed me the reins to the ministry in 1985. This moved me from minor-league pleasing to the majors. My desire to please was mixed with my drive to prove I could "be the man." This resulted in workaholism. I was out of the house almost every night of the week. While no one questioned my work ethic, I began to question everything. In the midst of all that was happening in my life, I couldn’t shake the emptiness of all I was doing.

My people-pleasing was working. I was liked by everyone except me.

Everything looked good on the outside—my people-pleasing costume was fitting well—and I could talk the game as it related to my inner life. I’d become the poster child for Proverbs 26:23—Pretty words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty glaze covers a common clay pot (The Living Bible). I was moving away from dependence on God, and my heart was hardening. I was too arrogant to believe I was in trouble and too insecure to ask for help. My desire for doing ministry had long moved from pleasing God to pleasing people.

In March of 1986, God used an unpleasable man and an angry mom to get my attention. On a Monday morning following one of the greatest weekend camps I’d ever experienced, I went to the church office to share the exciting news. As I approached the office, my insecurity and pride mixed to create a fantasy in which I envisioned the staff awaiting my arrival and lining the entrance for a congratulations-and-chorus-of-"How Great Thou Art" ceremony.

But my fantasy bubble popped when the church administrator asked, "Did you realize our megaphone was busted this weekend and the church vans weren’t returned to their proper parking spots?" This obviously wasn’t the arrival I expected. I didn’t know what to say. I hung my head and walked to my office.

When I got there I was greeted by a message from a student’s mother. I eagerly called her, assuming she wanted to thank me for her son’s life-changing weekend. Instead she said, "Doug, I’ve got some problems with your leadership." She explained that the only story she heard from her son was how the boys were laying around in their underwear one night, lighting freshly passed gas with matches and measuring the flames (a.k.a., "Blue flaming"). She continued to berate me on how irresponsible and dangerous that was since the boys could have possibly exploded. I guess she assumed the high jinks were part of our planned events—as opposed to a random act of teenage silliness. Either way, I became the object of her anger.

There I sat, only minutes in the office and the only news had been from people who were displeased with me. I left the office as soon as I could. While I drove home, I thought about all the time, energy, and emotion I had put into the weekend. I replayed my incredible conversations, the tough leadership decisions I’d made, and the faces of the students who had found the Lord. I concluded that I didn’t deserve this type of treatment for all the work I’d done. I finally pulled the car over because I couldn’t contain my emotions. I began to weep, not the watery-eyed cry—the body-convulsing kind.

It was at this point, sitting in my car on the side of the road, that I felt the supernatural presence of God. I wish I could say there was an audible instruction—there wasn’t. But I felt God impress truth upon my heart like never before. I sensed God saying, "Doug, you’ll never be able to do enough to please everyone. Focus on me. Rest in me. Abide in me. And let me take care of people pleasing."

God used that day to point me in a new direction. He got my attention, and I’ve never been the same. I wish I could say I left my people pleasing-costume on the side of the road, but I didn’t. It’s a costume I still own. Although I don’t wear it as much, and it doesn’t fit me nearly as well anymore, my people-pleasing costume’s still within arm’s reach of everything I do. I feel the itch of that old outfit even as I compose the end of this column.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. (See what I mean?)






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