Actual Dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

"What sort of trouble?"

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

"Went away?"

'They disappeared.'

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

'Nothing.'

"Nothing?"

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

'How do I tell?'

"Can you see the C:\ on the screen?"

'What's a sea-prompt?'

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

'What's a monitor?'

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it

have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

'I don't know.'

"Well then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power

cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

'.....Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into

the wall."

'.....Yes, it is.'

"when you were behind the monitor did you notice that there were two

cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

'No.'

"Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the

other cable."

'......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the

back of your computer."

'I can't reach.'

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

'No.'

"Even if maybe you put your knee on something and lean way over?"

'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's

dark.'

"Dark?"

'Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in

from the window.'

"Well, turn the office light on then."

'I can't.'

"No? Why not?"

'Because there is a power outage.'

"A power...A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do

you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

'Well yes, I keep them in my closet.'

"Good! go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like

it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought

it from."

'Really? Is it that bad?'

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

'Well, alright then, I suppose..what do I tell them?'

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."