Skool
DaZe
TEACHER: How old
were you
on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old
will you
be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's
impossible.
STUDENT: No, it
isn't, teacher.
I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go
to the
map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct.
Now, class,
who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: I hope I
didn't
see you looking at Don's paper.
DON: I hope you
didn't either.
SYLVIA: Dad, can
you write
in the dark?
FATHER: I think so.
What
do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on
this
report card.
TEACHER: If you had
one
dollar and you asked your father for
another, how many
dollars
would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER (sadly): You
don't
know your arithmetic.
VINCENT (sadly): You
don't
know my father.
Dear Doctor
Science,
Why does my
tongue stick
to the ice cube tray?

Judy McGriff from Anchorage, AK
Next time you put
the tray in
the freezer, try filling it with
water instead of
your tongue.
I think you'll find that your
parties will be more
fun,
your drinks will be colder, and you
won't have to talk
to your
guests in a voice like Elmer Fudd's.
As to the why of it,
under
subzero temperatures, your tongue
secretes a clear
paste that
bonds like super glue. Super glue was
originally created
by forcing
small children to put their tongues
on cold swing sets.
So remember,
dress your tongue warmly. And
never ever kiss if
the temperature
falls below thirty degrees.
You're only opening
yourself
up to an embarrassing and
potentially lethal
social
situation.
The TIMES
 They R a ChangIn
From
Aunt Viola:
Teaching Math
in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of
production
is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math
in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of
production
is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is
his profit?
Teaching Math
in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a
set M of money. The
cardinality
of set M is 100. Each element is
worth one dollar.
Make 100
dots representing the elements of the
set M. The set C,
the cost
of production, contains 20 fewer
points than set M.
Represent
the set C as a subset of set M and
answer the following
question:
What is the cardinality of the set
P for profits?
Teaching Math in
1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. Her cost of
production
is $80 and her profit is $20. Your
assignment:
Underline the
number 20.
Teaching Math
in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees,
the logger makes
$20. What
do you think of this way of making a
living? Topic for
class
discussion after answering the question:
How did the forest
birds
and squirrels feel as the logger cut
down the trees?
There are
no wrong answers.
Teaching Math
in 1996:
By laying off 40% of its loggers, a
company improves its
stock
price from $80 to $100. How much
capital gain per
share does
the CEO make by exercising his stock
options at $80?
Assume capital
gains are no longer taxed, because
this encourages
investment.
Teaching Math
in 1997:
A company outsources all of its loggers.
The firm saves on
benefits,
and when demand for its product is
down, the logging
work force
can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by
the company
earned $50,000, had three weeks
vacation, a nice
retirement
plan, and medical insurance. The
contracted logger
charges
$50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good
move?
Teaching Math
in 1998:
A laidoff logger with four kids at home
and a ridiculous
alimony
from his first failed marriage comes
into the
loggingcompany
corporate offices and goes postal,
mowing down 16
executives
and a couple of secretaries, and gets
lucky when he nails
a politician
on the premises collecting his
kickback. Was
outsourcing
the loggers a good move for the
company?
Teaching Math
in 1999:
A laidoff logger
serving
time in Folsom for blowing away several
people is being
trained
as a COBOL programmer in order to work on
Y2K projects. What
is the
probability that the automatic cell
doors will open on
their
own as of 00:01, 01/01/00?
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