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Skool DaZe 
 

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday? 
STUDENT: Seven. 
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday? 
STUDENT: Nine. 
TEACHER: That's impossible. 
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today. 
 
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. 
GEORGE: Here it is! 
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? 
CLASS: George! 

 

TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. 
DON: I hope you didn't either. 

 

SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? 
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? 
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. 

 
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for 
another, how many dollars would you have? 
VINCENT: One dollar. 
TEACHER (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic. 
VINCENT (sadly): You don't know my father. 

 

Dear Doctor Science, 
Why does my tongue stick to the ice cube tray? 

-- Judy McGriff from Anchorage, AK
Next time you put the tray in the freezer, try filling it with 
water instead of your tongue. I think you'll find that your 
parties will be more fun, your drinks will be colder, and you 
won't have to talk to your guests in a voice like Elmer Fudd's. 
As to the why of it, under sub-zero temperatures, your tongue 
secretes a clear paste that bonds like super glue. Super glue was 
originally created by forcing small children to put their tongues 
on cold swing sets. So remember, dress your tongue warmly. And 
never ever kiss if the temperature falls below thirty degrees. 
You're only opening yourself up to an embarrassing and 
potentially lethal social situation. 

 

The TIMES - They R a Chang-In  

From Aunt Viola:

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 

Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is 
his profit? 

Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a 
set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100. Each element is 
worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the 
set M. The set C, the cost of production, contains 20 fewer 
points than set M. Represent the set C as a subset of set M and 
answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set 
P for profits? 

                          
Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100. Her cost of production is $80 and her profit is $20. Your 
assignment: Underline the number 20. 

Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, 
the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a 
living? Topic for class discussion after answering the question: 
How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut 
down the trees? There are no wrong answers. 

Teaching Math in 1996: By laying off 40% of its loggers, a 
company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much 
capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock 
options at $80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because 
this encourages investment. 

Teaching Math in 1997: A company out-sources all of its loggers. 
The firm saves on benefits, and when demand for its product is 
down, the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average 
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had three weeks 
vacation, a nice retirement plan, and medical insurance. The 
contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good 
move? 

Teaching Math in 1998: A laid-off logger with four kids at home 
and a ridiculous alimony from his first failed marriage comes 
into the logging-company corporate offices and goes postal, 
mowing down 16 executives and a couple of secretaries, and gets 
lucky when he nails a politician on the premises collecting his 
kickback. Was outsourcing the loggers a good move for the 
company? 

Teaching Math in 1999: 
A laid-off logger serving time in Folsom for blowing away several 
people is being trained as a COBOL programmer in order to work on 
Y2K projects. What is the probability that the automatic cell 
doors will open on their own as of 00:01, 01/01/00? 

 
 

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