Next time you fly...
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe
Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots, (marked with a P), and the solutions recorded (marked with an
S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what
friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny........... S: Aircraft warned to straighten
up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
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