So You Want a Divorce?

From Renee Malina comes this touching story (only slightly and sensitively censored by your editor to remove any ethnic bias).

An American of Eastern European extraction, married a Canadian girl and although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. That is until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:


LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
Eastern European American: “Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home, 3 bedrooms.”

L: "No, I mean, what is the foundation of this case?"
EEA: "It made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

L: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
EEA: "No," he replied, "We have carport. Don't need grudge.

L: "OK, what are your relations like?"
EEA: "All my relations in Eastern Europe."

L: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
EEA: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't all the time like the music, but I answer yes."
 
L: Does your wife beat you up?
EEA: “No, I always up before her.”
 
L: So, why do you want this divorce?
EEA: “She going to kill me.”
 
L: What makes you think that?
EEA: “I got proof.”

 L: What kind of proof?
EEA: She going to poison me. She buy little bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it say, "Polish Remover."