If God Had an Answering Machine
If God Had Voice Mail
Thank you for calling heaven. Please hold, you are 34 million
something in the queue.
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer
it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
The Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
holding, press 4.
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then
enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign.
you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.)
reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth,
life on other planets, why do the innocent suffer, and where Noah's Ark
is, please wait until you
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please
contact your local pastor.
for visiting ACROSS