DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON:

A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

by Texas Bix Bender

 
Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
 
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
 
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably
a whole lot bigger'n you think.
 
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
 
Never ask a man the size of his spread.
 
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
 
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
 
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
 
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
 
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
 
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
 
Always drink upstream from the herd.
 
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
 
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there.
 
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.
 
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around
by somebody else.
 
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
 
Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important
to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
 
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in
your pocket.
 
Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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