Just Who Can One Trust Anymore?

A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite.   The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so.   Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."

 

Perhaps Heaven and Hell are Like....

In Heaven, the cops are English, the mechanics are German, the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian, and the whole place is run by the Swiss.

In Hell, on the other hand, the cops are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are English, the lovers are Swiss, and the whole place is run by the Italians.

"If you get up early, work late, and pay your
taxes, you will get ahead  -  if you strike oil."
     - J. Paul Getty

George W. Bush's
Inaugural Address Song
 (to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke)

 Don't know much about history
 Don't know much foreign policy
 Don't remember how I got through school
 I'm sure I didn't break the rules
 But what's it matter 'cause my granny says
 "Boy, if you want to you can be the prez
 And what a wonderful world this will be"

 Don't know much about the women's vote
 Don't know much about the bill I wrote
 Don't know much about the foreign vets
 I've never voted for 'em yet
 But I do know if your dad tries hard
 He can get you in the National Guard
 And what a wonderful place that can be

 Now I never claimed to be an A student
 But what's wrong with C's?
 And maybe by knowing the names of my cabinet
 I can win their love for me
 Don't know much about air pollution
 Don't know much about the constitution
 Don't know much about th'economy
 It never much affected me
 But there's one thing that I know for sure
 If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor
 What a wonderful world this will be

 Don't know much about the national debt
 I've never had to pay one yet
 If we need to we can sell the States
 To the Japanese at discount rates
 But I do know if things get bad
 Dick and I can always call my dad
 And what a wonderful world this will be

&&&&&&&&&&&  -  Dennis Fahringer  -  photo@uofn.edu

Those Were The Days....

One day at the family reunion, my grandparents were  reminiscing. My grandfather remarked, "I wonder what ever happened  to the old-fashioned girls who fainted when a man kissed them."

Grandmother gave him a withering look, "What I'd like  to know," she said, "is what happened to the old-fashioned  men who could make them faint!"

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