Bumper Sticker Humour

from Bruce Clewett

(He may live in Austria but the Californian in him still comes out. -- Ed.)

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"

"Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy."

"All generalizations are false."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken."

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"Forget the Joneses, I'm keeping up with the Simpsons."

"Born free... Taxed to death."

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck."

"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician."

"Montana -- At least our cows are sane!"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

"I brake for no apparent reason."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"Wink, I'll do the rest."

"No radio - Already stolen."

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it."

"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control."

"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW."

"Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist."

"IRS (American Tax System): We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students."

"Which came first? The woman or the department store?"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist."

"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."

"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?"

"How can I miss you if you won't go away?"

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

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