Thanksgiving TGIF in partHi everybody! Jannie here.Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. We squeezed in a small celebration here in Florida, during a conference with the leaders of the College of
Communication (part of YWAM's University of the Nations).A letter to the editor from Carrie Progner:
Thank you ever so much for keeping up with TGIF. It's such a piece of home wherever I go. Traveling w/ YWAM can be such a "tornado" (or hurricane...
or flood... or El Nino) in my life....
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Scattered throughout this edition are the results of Jay Leno asking some typical American teens what they know about Thanksgiving:Leno: What can you tell us about Thanksgiving?
Teen #1: A bunch of Pilgrims.
Leno: Where did the Pilgrims come from?
Teen #1: I don't know. Spain or something?
Leno: Spain?
Teen #1: Yeah.
Leno: So the Pilgrims came here from Spain for what reason?
Teen #1: To eat dinner.********************************************
Dilbert's Laws of Work, by Scott Adams:If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (Hey!)
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
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Leno: Where did the Pilgrims come from?
Teen #2: Spain, I heard.
Leno: Spain?
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From The Door, Excerpts from "The Unauthorized Minister's Instruction Book":* Always speak in positive or neutral terms about former pastors--no matter what kind of twits they were.
* Resist the temptation to catalogue the sheep and the goats in your congregation.
* Don't put people on committees to shut them up--unless it is a committee without real power or function. There should be several of these.
* If you are new to the rural setting, discover what they mean by "oysters" before you eat.
* Don't expect to be treated fairly in the ministry. No one else is.
* Be proud of your denominational heritage, but remember: God allows denominations to exist because of the hardness of our hearts.
* Sometimes victory is yours not because of your brilliant rhetoric or convincing argument, but by simply surviving the battle.
* Avoid any youth activity where the words "lock-in" appear. Trust me.
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Need an excuse to not do something?
Pam Warren sends these:I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y".
I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
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Leno: Give me a brief history of Thanksgiving.
Teen #5: Well, the Indians got over the Colombians and they had a big feast.
Leno: The Indians got what? They had the Colombians over?
Teen #5: The PILGRIMS.
Leno: Oh, the Pilgrims. Where did the Pilgrims come from?
Teen #5: Colombia? I don't know.
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Leno: Can you name the ship the Pilgrims sailed on?
Teen #6: There were three....
Leno: There were three? Three ships?
Teen #6: Yeah. Weren't they like the Ninja, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria?
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Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody....
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Leno: And how did the Pilgrims get here?
Teen #8: Ship
Leno: By boat. Can you name one of the boats?
Teen #8: No.
Leno: Can you name the boat from Gilligan's Island?
Teen #8 (with certainty): The Minnow.
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Leno: What did the Pilgrims look like?
Teen #4: I don't know. They were like us except they had bibs and stuff on.
Leno: They were like us except they had bibs?
Teen #4: Bibs and aprons.
Leno: They came ready to eat.
Teen #4: Yeah.***********************************
Leno: Can you name the ship they came over on?
Teen #5: No...Santa Monica maybe?
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From Tracy White:
One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers: "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the grandfather died.
About a month or two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day
the grandmother died.Well, the father was getting more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks later, the father once again overheard his son's prayers: "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive!
When he got home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry, Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled. "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
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Leno: What kind of clothes did the Pilgrims wear?
Teen #9: They had some tight little pants....
Leno: Some tight little pants.
Teen #9: Yeah, and they wore some big funky hat.
Leno: A big funky hat.
Teen #10: They had the shoes with the buckles, and they had the hats with the buckles on them.
Leno: Why did they have buckles on their hats?
Teen #10: So it wouldn't fall off?
Leno: So they could tighten it around their head?
Teen #10: Yeah. That way they'd just need one hat.
Leno: So they'd just need one hat for their life?
Teen #10: Yeah. Then as they grew up....
Leno: Oh. So as a Pilgrim you were given one hat at the beginning of your life, and you....just let the buckle out as you got older.
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From Betty Conner...Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
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Leno: What year did the Pilgrims arrive?
Teen #2: 1492.
Leno: 1492. That's when they arrived. So they probably bumped into Columbus.
Teen #2: Probably.
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Leno: When did the Pilgrims land?
Teen #7: Like 1849?
Leno: 1849. Where do you think they might have come from?
Teen #7: The North?
Leno: The North? What did Pilgrims look like? How would you know a Pilgrim if you saw one?
Teen #7: They were, like, short.
Leno: How short would you say Pilgrims are?
Teen #7: Four feet tall.
Leno: So Pilgrims are four feet tall and come from the North... Are you sure those aren't elves?
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Leno: Who do you think was President when the Pilgrims landed?
Teen #8 (with certainty): Abraham Lincoln.
Leno: Abraham Lincoln was President when the Pilgrims landed?
What did they have at the first Thanksgiving dinner?
Teen #8: Turkey.
Leno: With who?
Teen #8 (with certainty): Abraham Lincoln.
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Leno: The place where the Pilgrims first landed is now what state?
Teen #6: I don't know.
Leno: Take a guess.
Teen #6: Um...California.
Leno: The Pilgrims landed in California?
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Leno: Do you know where the Pilgrims landed when they got here?
Teen #12: No.
Leno: It's a famous rock.
Teen #12: Little Rock.
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Do you think we could pass a constitutional amendment to keep people like this from ever voting?Well, anyway... enjoy your turkey leftovers and have a good weekend everybody, 'cause th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!