Chicken Crossed the Road
Dave Gustaveson sends: Why The Chicken Crossed the
Road, Part Deux:
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now
RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had
been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach
the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll
bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet
that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help
chickens with Crossing-the-Road Syndrome. Can you believe this? How
much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road
paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking
about your money, money the government took from you to build a road
for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay --- isn't it obvious? Can't
you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
going to the "other side." That's what they call it the other side.
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you
will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out
this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like "the other side."
L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
did cross the road reveals your underlying insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2005, which
will not only cross roads but will also lay eggs and file your
important documents as well as balance your checkbook. Internet
Explorer is an integral part of eChicken and will not be sold
separately (except maybe in Europe).
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I
did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
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